I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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