Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
