I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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