we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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