Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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