Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
