I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
