She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
