rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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