He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
