I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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