I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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