p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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