she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
