the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
