So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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