How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
