You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
