Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
