I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We had sex on a dog bed..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
