I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
