you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
