Your face is a jimmy john
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
