My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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