I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There r osticjed everywhere
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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