i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
