I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
