Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
