I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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