Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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