I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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