I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
