I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
