But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize