you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
