On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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