I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
