bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
