You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
