Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
