Got a toothbrush?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
