it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
