I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
