bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
