I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
