Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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