At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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