Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
BRING THE BAGELS
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
