I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
