walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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