So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
