honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
