you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize