So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
