Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
