We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
