I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
