apparently the secret to your success is patron
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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