So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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