Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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