so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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