that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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