I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
