Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
