i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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